Gutweed

How can something called Gutweed, which looks like this:

be a bad thing to eat, I hear you say?

Allow me to demonstrate:

The first time I tried to turn this stuff into food, I didn't rinse it properly, and nearly shattered my molars with a mouthful of sand.

This time, I was far more thorough, and subsequently spread the Gutweed out on a baking tray and dried it in a low oven for around four hours. Then I deep fried it. I did this because it seems like the only thing to do with it, according to google.  Apparently, deep fried gutweed is the authentic topping to some chinese stir fries (as opposed to deep fried cabbage, more common today).  It certainly looked authentic - a vibrant green, glossy mass of otherworldly wiriness, like the pubes of a wizened merman.

The verdict: Anna, my girlfriend, likened the experience to forgetting to close your mouth while being buried alive. Leo made a spluttering sound, like someone being buried alive.  I, however, liked it a lot.  It tastes slightly nutty, and I will include some in the next stir fry I make (Anna and Leo can have a sandwich).